IN MOMENTS OF BLISS 3

©Mallari 2017
written by Rolando Q. Mallari


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters, the storyline, the location are all culled from the imagination. Any similarity to real life and place are purely coincidental.

III

The Lady in the Mirror

Graduation day was uneventful. My hope for a university scholarship strengthened. I went to Manila to arrange for my college entrance. Unknown to me, Joey and family were going back to Guam. He gave me a long distance call if I could go back home since he had a very important thing to tell me. I told him too that I had a very important message for him as I caressed my belly while talking to him. We decided to meet at our favorite dating place,  Cafe Esperanza at 5 o'clock in the afternoon. 

I got into the Times Transit bus station at Dapitan, Sampaloc. I looked at my watch, and calculated what time will I arrive. Surely, if I will arrive at 3PM, I still had time to refresh for our 5PM appointment. The bus was packed to its capacity. I looked inside and I saw a vacant seat near the back at the window side. I inched my way to the seat. When seated, I began to have deep thoughts what would be the important message Joey had for me. 

All of a sudden, my thoughts were disturbed by the passengers and they were howling and shouting. They were telling the driver to go slow as he was recklessly driving already. He did not listen to what the passengers were saying. He continued driving at top speed. A bus was coming from an opposite direction. It was too late for the driver to slow down and turn to the roadside. It was a head on collision of two onrushing vehicles. The impact was tremendous; I was thrown out of the bus window while others were stocked inside. Unfortunately, I hit into a roadside tree before I was thrown out into the open field. I felt oozing in my face before I lost consciousness. 

I woke up inside a hospital intensive care unit where my face was heavily bandaged, arms connected to intravenous drips and an old lady watching over me. I could not remember anything. I was told, I was unconscious for 7 days. Apparently now, I had developed retrograde amnesia. I had no memory of my past. I had no past to speak of. The doctor explained to me that with support from the family and health care providers. Severe concussion and brain injury may give a permanent memory loss. Sometimes another severe experience will cause a sudden return of memory. I had nothing to say at that time as my precious memory failed me.

An old lady was seated near my bedside, totally anguished. She was introduced to me as my grandmother. I was told I grew up with my grandmother and my parents were to arrive soon. I have no recall about them and I can feel their torment. But I became more agitated when the doctor told me everything was a miracle since the child within me was safe. I can only stare into nothingness. Here I am who can't remember anything and yet pregnant at that. Who was the father of my child to be? And who am I since I lost the face that I once had. 

My attending doctors discussed my prognosis and what would become of my face. I was attended by a group of doctors working to ensure my functionality and acceptance to the society. I met my plastic surgeon and showed me my old pictures. I didn’t even have a memory of how I looked. I met psychologists, psychiatrists, internists, neurologists and surgeons in the process. The plastic surgeon, Dr. Castro told me that she might not be able to restore the old original face. A new face will evolve. In the deep recesses of my mind, I asked the question, was there someone who needed to see me in my old face? As if the doctor read my mind: "It's just a face. If someone loves you so dearly, he will be able to recognize you and love you beyond that face."

It was not a four-stage operation. Since the damage on my face was quite extensive, they can’t do the procedure at once. The skin flaps need to develop and healing needs to occur in other areas before they are touched. The delicate procedures seemed to evoke memories of a past I can't fully recall. If others were haunted by their pasts, I was one who was looking for a past to haunt me. 

During this ordeal, my working word was hope. Each time they remove a bandage in my face, I was hoping for a better face, not the scarred monster face caused by the accident. I felt that my parents and grandmother have accepted what had happened to and they have come to terms with it. Jeremy my son who was born six months after the accident was the healing bond between us. I may not know the circumstances of his being but he brought joy to my family. Jeremy was born a very healthy handsome baby with hazel brown eyes and light brown hair. I thought to myself that he probably looked like the man who fathered him. Despite my age at 17, I never felt the dismay of my parents about Jeremy's existence. Jeremy was their source of joy and bliss while I was into my nothingness. My tragedy was replaced with the joys of having Jeremy. I felt that I was not alone in their love because there was a Jeremy to cure the ills of what I have gone through. I am so full of gratitude to my parents and my grandmother for taking care of Jeremy.

 The last reparative surgery was without a hitch. Dr. Mercado gave the mirror for me to look at her art - her creation; her Venus de Milo. I am dumbfounded. I cannot scale the walls in front of me. I cannot reach out for any emotions. Even my family was in great awe for that work. I was not the girl in the picture anymore.  But I liked what I saw.